«I JUST READ EVERYTHING»

Straight women aren't the only ones who prefer that a penis pic come with some context. Josh, a 27-year-old gay man, told me, "A cock shot on its own, without context around it, would only make me laugh, and do nothing for me sexually." He's come across both cases on Grindr, a location-based gay hookup service. In that venue, he says, "it's hard to be grossed out because it's not like you're expecting people to send you photos of their doily collection" -- but unrequested penis shots usually come from "sketchy" sorts who are misreading social cues. (Although he makes an exception for a guy showing off that he has a "huge cock" rather than  an average-length member.) If you're into a guy, though, "and he sends you a picture of his dick, proving that he's into you, or horny or whatever," he says, "it can actually be really hot."Whether one of these photos is hot or not, welcome or unwanted, threatening or alluring, all depends on the circumstances, which is true of all sexual overtures, right? A dick flash from a lover is a far cry from a wanking stranger on the subway or an unsolicited "sext" from a professional athlete. The cock shot phenomenon is not just an example of that yawning divide between intention and effect when it comes to sex, but also the importance of context and consent.

-Salon
June 2 2011